No Dessert Unless You Eat Your Dinner

“No dessert unless you eat your dinner.”  Does that remind you of yourself when you come home from work?  Is that how you want your kids to remember you? As the parent that is gone all day, comes home, yells at the kids and denies them dessert?  Probably not.  You are likely a very loving, concerned, hard working parent.  So don’t let meal time make you in to the bad guy or girl.

 When the family sits down to eat, don’t comment on what your kids are eating or not.  Whoever provided the meal has already done the adult job, offering appropriate food at appropriate intervals.  At this point you have three jobs.  First is to model table manners, and correct inappropriate table manners.  Second is to model food acceptance by eating and enjoying the food.  Third is to have conversation with your children.  Don’t talk about anything that would make your child uncomfortable at the table, find other times to discuss problems.  Family meals are not the time to reprimand for past poor judgment, errors, or moments of downright meanness, or to warn against similar errors in the future.  Think of the dinner table as a place where everyone comes with a clean slate.

 If your child refuses to eat a certain food, or eat nothing at all, be nonjudgmental.  Feel free to remind them that if they are hungry now is the time to eat and that there will be no food offered after dinner.  Don’t let them have anything that is not on the table.  Don’t let them make a snack after dinner.  You don’t have to punish them for not eating; hunger will be a natural consequence if they choose not to eat. 

 Some children have eaten enough calories (energy) and met their nutritional needs in the 4-5 eating opportunities they had previous to dinner time.  Therefore by dinner time they can afford to be picky.  If a child hasn’t fulfilled their energy and nutritional needs and chooses not to eat, their body will provide appropriate feedback.  You don’t have to.  You can continue to enjoy your meal and your family.

What about dessert?  Let your child eat it whether they have eaten or not.  Don’t get into a power struggle.  An appropriate portion of dessert is not a big deal.  Arguing, bribing, or negotiating with your child every night is the problem, not the dessert  If your child has already consumed the necessary nutrients and calories they need for the day, they are eating the dessert solely because it taste good, which is why everyone eats dessert.  If your child did not get enough calories and nutrients during the day, eating the dessert will not satisfy their body.  They will be hungry in short order; their body is providing the feedback, not you.  If they ask for snack, remind them that they chose not to eat dinner and that now they need to wait for snack.  Some children do very well when the dessert is offered during the dinner.  The child will eat their portion of dessert first so the tension is gone.  Now they can enjoy the meal. They will eat if they are still hungry.  You are smiling, relaxed, calm, and happy to be home with your family.

Purees are for Babies and Really Old People, Not Family Fare

Why does Jessica Sienfeld think that families want to eat foods with pureed vegetables?  Why does she think that using recipes that require cooking and pureeing vegetables are good or simple and will uncomplicate busy lives?  Does she have nothing better to do than trick her family into eating vegetables?  Have you ever tried to hide a food in another food?   As soon as you do someone walks into the kitchen, sees what you are doing and refuses to eat that food or any other soup, casserole or recipe involving stirring more than 2 vegetable together.  It is so sad to me that her family can not trust that what they see is not always what they get.  

Does Seinfeld know that most chidren and adults will eventually choose to eat vegetables in their natural state?  Once they enjoy fresh or cooked vegetables they will enjoy them for a life time.  Of course, if they have never seen an intact vegetable perhaps they would have some tredidation.  Perhaps her family thinks all vegetables are to eaten in an applesauce like consistency.  When children and adults see clean cut carrot sticks, shiny green broccoli on top of noodles or green beans stir fryed with oil and garlic, they are attracted to it.  They choose vegetables as a normal enjoyable part of their diet.  Children who eats hidden broccoli puree will never learn to like broccoli because they don’t even know they are eating it. These children will never choose broccoli once they are away from home as they have never actually had it or seen it.  

Purees are for babies or people with no teeth, not for families, not for adults and not for busy people. 

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